Random Update
Things have been fairly smooth so far. I discovered my wife has been selling our items (which is against court order).. so we are working to get an injunction against her. When I first discovered what was going on, I was pretty upset. Well.. very pissed off. I kept telling myself that they were just things. They are indeed just things.. I guess it’s hard to remove the human element from things sometimes. I’m working on it.
I’ve finished reading a book called ‘The Bowl of Light’ by Hank Wesselman. The philosophies in there have helped me center myself during this unstable time. It’s given me much to reflect upon. I guess that’s what I need more.. time to reflect. I feel very.. stuck. i’m stuck where I am until all of this is over with. I need to move on. i’m ready to move my life along..but it’s just not happening. Patience is of course..the glue I don’t want to apply.
Anyway, my friend whom I have mentioned before in this blog is dating someone now. More appropriate to her age. Although it did upset me some.. it’s that twinge of jealousy that I need to work on. It’s difficult accepting what I refuse to move upon, however I know it’s for the better. I think the way I am going to handle relationships are going to be completely different than I have in the past.
I have given it some thought and decided that I didn’t want to just move from person to person as I did. It’s easy to have just sexual relations with anyone you meet on some random night, however I don’t want to start living my life as a competition with my soon to be ex-wife. I’m ready to move on. I need to set some principals and standards to put me higher than her or the way I used to be.
Don’t get me wrong, opportunities have presented themselves already. But I need to be above it. After all, “if someone is trying to drag you down, then it just means you are above them”, right? I need to find my comfort spot anyway. It’s been almost 10 years since I’ve been with anyone else. I need to start bringing out the class and principals. The only thing I need to reassure myself is that I am not going to take this whole statement I just made and throw it out the window next week. I am going to try to keep it though. I need to enact the lessons I have learned.
I want to start seeing someone. We are good friends, but I haven’t made that push yet. She’s going through things and she doesn’t live in my area yet. She lives 5 hours out, however she is moving here. It all depends on her current situation (which im not going into detail). I have decided that when things are settled with her, I will start talking to her in the earnest and see how she feels. I have never dated anyone in my area before. This will be new to me. I can’t wait. I miss the chase.
112 Reasons 