I’ve Been Alright

There isn’t a lot to talk about but at the same time there is. A lot has happened since I last wrote…sorta. I guess I’ll just write about what I am doing presently.

My ex has pretty much told me we are going back to court because she wants more time with the kids. She is going to try and get one more day out of the week to spend with the kids. The downside to that is, she will severely inhibit the kids’ learning because she procrastinates and does not take their education seriously. My attorney has said already its going to be a fight. I’m not looking forward to spending the dollars, but I have to do what I gotta do.

Second, my girlfriend is doing quite well. Unfortunately, she is in the middle of harvest. That means she is working between 70-80 hours a week. It’s taking a toll on her. She gets depressed because she doesn’t have time to see me when she wants. She knows it’s part of her job but she has a hard time accepting it. She is also very lonely out where she lives. I am in my own town taking care of kids. She understands it, but at times she doesn’t. That’s the hardest part about this relationship. We are very open in communicating what we feel and think, however most of her thoughts are that of our limitations. When harvest is over, things should return to normal. She’s just stressed for now. When she’s stressed, I’m stressed. It will be alright though,

Oh ya, I did move to a new place. It’s fairly small but we make due with what we have. The kids and I enjoy where we are. It’s of course not easy each day (but mostly the mornings). We are doing just fine. I have gotten back Into writing again. I’ve been retraining myself in cursive writing. I’ve also been drawing a little bit and just enjoying it. I don’t take my writings or drawings seriously. I just enjoy it. I’ve also been reading a little bit more. My girlfriend is the one to thank for that.

Emotionally, I’ve been alright. I haven’t been too stressed. I’ve been planning slowly for the future. So far so good. Granted, there’s a patch of court stormy weather but overall, I’ve been alright.

A Family to Raise and a Life to Live

So life begins a new. It’s a new school year and the kids have prospered well so far. In a twist of fate, my oldest daughter has my youngest daughters old teacher and my younger daughter has my oldest daughters old teacher. How bizarre. I have made amends with past ghosts. When I speak of ghosts, I speak of very personal dealings that I will be vague on.

This whole summer has been spent mostly working and spending time with the kids. I think they are glad school has begun again, but then again they still always complain. It’s still technically summer but we are trying to get back into old habits. For one, I am at the library right now.  I think it’s important that we continue this past outing. I may not be able to hit up the library every week but I am going to try.

Now that I am seeing someone, we are trying to make it a point to see each other when we can. Our weekly schedule is based on if I have the kids for the weekend. If I have the kids, I see my girlfriend 2 days out of the week (since I will not likely see her much on the weekend). If I don’t have the kids for the weekend, I will see her only 1 day out of the week and spend the entire weekend with her. It definitely is a mixed mash of scheduling but it gives both of us our together time and alone time. My alone time however is dealt with kids either way.

My girlfriend works at a wine company. Since this is September, this is the time they harvest grapes for wine. She will be working 6 days a week, 12 hours days. She will be on this schedule into November. This will give us less time together. I find that having a girlfriend is busy work. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great. I have nothing to complain about at all. However juggling work, kids, girlfriend and personal time is difficult. I have opted to out my personal time for now since I have had a ton of it in the past year. I like having the company of others over being alone. That’s my thought anyway.

I have also moved into my new place a couple weeks ago. It’s been a slow process getting the place put into order. I am not done, but I am well on my way. I can’t call it home, since it doesn’t feel that way. I won’t feel comfortable for a while. In fact, I can’t call anywhere my home. It felt more like a drifter if anything. But at least I have a base of operations (it’s the closest thing I can call it).

Life after the divorce has been alright otherwise. My ex is still not the brightest on the planet. Her mom even called me to tell me she thinks she is prostituting herself out. I think that’s a bit exaggerated but I wouldn’t be surprised otherwise. I do know that my ex isn’t treating her mother well. Ever since she moved in with her mom, she has been taking out her aggression on her mom. I have talked with her mom briefly about it. Her mom is a pushover much of the time. However she does put herself in difficult positions. I’m just glad I am not the focus of my ex’s problems anymore. I have a family to raise and a life to live.

That’s it for now. I think I rambled a lot in this post but then again, I don’t get to do that often.

 

Epilogue

Well… I had an update coming. I haven’t said anything because I thought it was trivial. I suppose I should say something either way.

The Divorce was finalized June 12th. In the settlement, she keeps her debt and I keep mine. She accumulated approximately $12,000 in debt during our separation/divorce. That’s all on her now. I have my own debt to worry about. Also, I have to continue paying her spousal support until November. Afterward, she has to start paying me child support which is $412 a month afterward. I also took her off my car insurance. She wasn’t too happy about that but there isn’t anything she can do about that.

About a week after I had removed her, she called me crying. She wanted to get back together and raise the kids together. I straight up told her “you fucked up”. I went on to tell her that there was no way I was going to put myself in a bad situation anymore and I was moving on with my life. I left the conversation feeling good about my decision. I don’t need anymore redundant poison in my life.

Currently, I’m dating someone who is 2 years younger than I am. She has a masters degree, beautiful and super intelligent. I knew her from one of our clients. When we were idly talking one day, she mentioned that she may not be with the company much longer. I took the initiative and got her information so we could keep in contact. We met up for coffee and hit it off pretty well. We each have our own quirks but the experience from this divorce has given me the ability to see insights that I would have never seen otherwise.

I won’t say much, but needless to say things are going well. I never thought I would be in this position but I am not complaining either. Even the kids like her a lot. I didn’t even know how I was going to introduce her and the kids. We planned a non-casual lunch which went very well. Afterward, a few days later, I told the kids who she was. My kids are accepting of it.

Two  weeks ago, my mom had another stroke. This would be her third. It struck her where her first stroke occurred. It wasn’t too bad, but it still knocked out her left side more. She’s ok. She’s doing physical therapy. She has responded well. She hates being as crippled as she is, but she is thankful for being alive. The doctors changed her medication and she has slightly changed her diet.

Anyway, that is my quick update on my life. There is more, but I have no interest in writing more right now. Originally I thought I wanted to write more, but for some reason, my motivation just drained from my body.

 

Fuck Yea

I had a ‘Fuck Yea’ moment today. I am not going to elaborate. I just wanted to mention it.

Things I’ve Learned

I thought about this for a while. I think I am going to post things I have learned over the past year. To some, it will be common sense. To me though, they are actual things I have thought about with actual merit. I will splay them out randomly in posts but they are things that I want to reflect on.

1) Wisdom is weak unless mixed with experience.
This one is the top one. I hear a lot of things from other people. I didn’t pay much attention to what may have been said. But as soon as something happens to me, then I understand. You can hear a quote given many times, but it’s only when you live it does it come to life.

2) It’s not the end of the world (at least not until December)
When the divorce started and I did not have the kids, I spent a lot of time worrying. I laid in bed and thinking the worst. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I found out things can get a lot worse. That’s when it occurred to me that I will survive. This isn’t bad. There are people who have it a lot worse than I do.

3) Stay in touch with your friends. The ones who are meant to stay will.
When I left, I found out that I lost contact with a lot of friends. I made some friends throughout this divorce. They didn’t stick around. That’s when I realized how much my family stuck around and helped out a lot.

4) She is not your friend
This is something my Uncle told me. He went through a messier divorce than I did. However when he told me, I took it to heart. He told me she will do anything and everything to fuck me over. She has tried to do so and being prepared has helped me a lot. I keep my distance from my ex and I always keep a wary eye.

That’s all I can think about for now. I will write more when I can think of more. I can never make a list on the spot but I will continue…

Piece of my Soul

There is nothing new to add. No unusual occurrence with my ex. She’s been behaving (mostly). She hasn’t done anything foul since she attacked me a while back.

The kids are doing well. They will be working on science projects this coming week. There is a science fair that is going on and they both are doing projects (as simple as it may be).

My oldest is doing a project in which she determines if microwaved water removes the nutrients from it. She will be testing it on 2 plants (one being the control). I know this project has been done but she doesn’t know that. I’ll let her find that out.

My youngest is doing a project in which she determines which ants like better. Candy or an Apple. It’s simple but then again, she is in the second grade.

Things have literally been uneventful. I started working out again which is a plus I suppose. I am sore a lot of the time but that’s normal. I finished a couple of books so I’m poking around at new books to entertain myself with.

I feel like a loner. I don’t hang out with people much. I only hang out with kids. It’s different when you don’t have a significant other to bounce back with your energy. I still think back. If I didn’t do what I did, then I would not have been granted what I asked for years ago (not telling what). It’s what I wanted. It’s what I asked for. I appreciate what has happened and I am trying to appreciate the significance. It only took many years for it to happen. I need to take it in stride. After all, today..I did it. I talked to them. I talked to them for less than 5 minutes but it happened.

They do know who I am. They know exactly who I am. We acknowledge each other and I just wish there was more to add. I didn’t push it obviously. I think I was too nervous without realizing it.

I just hope I got a piece of my soul back.

It Happened (part 1)

Insert private post here. But needless to say, it happened. It only took 20-some-odd years.

Just a Nice Evening

A lot has happened. Most of it is irrelevant to many situations so I will leave it out for now.

Yesterday, the kids were visiting with the ex. During that time, she had promised them that they would go to the arcade that afternoon as soon as she had finished work. I arrived at the arcade and they were no where to be found. When she did arrive, they were noticeably late. Also the kids were upset that she was unable to take them on time to the arcade. The kids and I had made a previous arrangement. She begged me to let them go into the arcade so she could spend time with them.

I relented.

For the first half hour, I waited for them while reading my book. She came out afterward and told me that the kids wanted me in there so they could hang out with me as well. I went in and spent time with the kids while my ex was with them as well. Well.. It was more of one being with one and the other parent being with the other.

At the end of the evening, the kids had their fill of electronic stimulus (myself included), and we left. The evening turned out pretty good for both parties, it also reflects on the fact that it was the first time that my ex and I hang out in the same room for an extended period of time without fighting. I noticed it. She did as well. It was sobering and nostalgic to think of the family we had and will never happen again. Well, it won’t be soon to have another situation like that.

She txt’ed me a thank you as we headed home.

I reflect back upon it and in a sobering sense, I’m glad things are over. I know it sounds like I liked the evening…and I did… I just remember all the horrible things the kids and I have been through. I tolerated her that evening while not thinking of our situation. But I have not forgotten how I was treated and how she treated the kids as well. It was just a nice evening.

Update

I don’t have much to update on. I have a lot of court order stuff I have to comply to this month. A lot of money is going out. The first of many. I’m grateful I have to family to back me up, but I’m peeved I can’t fully support myself. I still will not hate. I refuse to put myself in the negative when it comes to thinking and emotions. She frustrates me a lot, but I will not hate. I can’t stoop to that level.

I’m still reading my several books. I did start another one though. I’m reading about the ‘Akashic Records’. Mostly on it’s function and place with people. It’s a little outside my perception of reading but it seemed interesting. So far it is. I would like to find more modern association with it.

I was also reading on ‘Edgar Cayce’. He seems to have an impact on this way of thinking in today’s standard. I’m not sure about the stuff behind him, but it makes for interesting reading. I am keeping an open mind on it. I might read more, but I need to finish what I started first.

The kids have been doing good. They got a paper today about doing a science fair thing. They both want to put an entry into the fair, but have yet to decide what they’re going to do. Well, my oldest knows, but my youngest isn’t quite there yet.

The ex gets the kids this weekend. She had them last weekend, but then again it’s part of the deal. They have spring break so not having them this weekend will be a bummer. Otherwise this weekend would have been a great time in the spending. We do plan to watch movies tonight with some ice cream since they do not have school tomorrow. It won’t make up for the weekend but it’ll still be fun.

I wrote my first private post today. I don’t mean to hide it, but it contains hyper-super important events and details that are personal to me. One day, I will convey them, but now I will not. I don’t know why I have to keep it private. I just do. It’s personal…to me.. I don’t know how else to say it.

I suppose I could say it has to do with someone I knew a long time ago. There were situations that are inconsequential, but still strike at my heart. I don’t know why. But it does. And it will remain private for now.

I guess that’s all I really had to say. I haven’t been very philosophical lately. I guess it’s been the financial stress I am under. It won’t let up for several months. It will be a true test of myself I suppose.

Something good …

Aside

Something good always comes around…right? I guess it depends on the karma set.

Not only is there a wave, but a smile and certain recognition. I think that’s what was asked for. I’m almost scared if I asked for more. Scared of how to take it. Excited for the apprehension of what can happen.