Fuck Yea
I had a ‘Fuck Yea’ moment today. I am not going to elaborate. I just wanted to mention it.
Piece of my Soul
There is nothing new to add. No unusual occurrence with my ex. She’s been behaving (mostly). She hasn’t done anything foul since she attacked me a while back.
The kids are doing well. They will be working on science projects this coming week. There is a science fair that is going on and they both are doing projects (as simple as it may be).
My oldest is doing a project in which she determines if microwaved water removes the nutrients from it. She will be testing it on 2 plants (one being the control). I know this project has been done but she doesn’t know that. I’ll let her find that out.
My youngest is doing a project in which she determines which ants like better. Candy or an Apple. It’s simple but then again, she is in the second grade.
Things have literally been uneventful. I started working out again which is a plus I suppose. I am sore a lot of the time but that’s normal. I finished a couple of books so I’m poking around at new books to entertain myself with.
I feel like a loner. I don’t hang out with people much. I only hang out with kids. It’s different when you don’t have a significant other to bounce back with your energy. I still think back. If I didn’t do what I did, then I would not have been granted what I asked for years ago (not telling what). It’s what I wanted. It’s what I asked for. I appreciate what has happened and I am trying to appreciate the significance. It only took many years for it to happen. I need to take it in stride. After all, today..I did it. I talked to them. I talked to them for less than 5 minutes but it happened.
They do know who I am. They know exactly who I am. We acknowledge each other and I just wish there was more to add. I didn’t push it obviously. I think I was too nervous without realizing it.
I just hope I got a piece of my soul back.
It Happened (part 1)
Insert private post here. But needless to say, it happened. It only took 20-some-odd years.
Update
I don’t have much to update on. I have a lot of court order stuff I have to comply to this month. A lot of money is going out. The first of many. I’m grateful I have to family to back me up, but I’m peeved I can’t fully support myself. I still will not hate. I refuse to put myself in the negative when it comes to thinking and emotions. She frustrates me a lot, but I will not hate. I can’t stoop to that level.
I’m still reading my several books. I did start another one though. I’m reading about the ‘Akashic Records’. Mostly on it’s function and place with people. It’s a little outside my perception of reading but it seemed interesting. So far it is. I would like to find more modern association with it.
I was also reading on ‘Edgar Cayce’. He seems to have an impact on this way of thinking in today’s standard. I’m not sure about the stuff behind him, but it makes for interesting reading. I am keeping an open mind on it. I might read more, but I need to finish what I started first.
The kids have been doing good. They got a paper today about doing a science fair thing. They both want to put an entry into the fair, but have yet to decide what they’re going to do. Well, my oldest knows, but my youngest isn’t quite there yet.
The ex gets the kids this weekend. She had them last weekend, but then again it’s part of the deal. They have spring break so not having them this weekend will be a bummer. Otherwise this weekend would have been a great time in the spending. We do plan to watch movies tonight with some ice cream since they do not have school tomorrow. It won’t make up for the weekend but it’ll still be fun.
I wrote my first private post today. I don’t mean to hide it, but it contains hyper-super important events and details that are personal to me. One day, I will convey them, but now I will not. I don’t know why I have to keep it private. I just do. It’s personal…to me.. I don’t know how else to say it.
I suppose I could say it has to do with someone I knew a long time ago. There were situations that are inconsequential, but still strike at my heart. I don’t know why. But it does. And it will remain private for now.
I guess that’s all I really had to say. I haven’t been very philosophical lately. I guess it’s been the financial stress I am under. It won’t let up for several months. It will be a true test of myself I suppose.
Something good …
Something good always comes around…right? I guess it depends on the karma set.
Not only is there a wave, but a smile and certain recognition. I think that’s what was asked for. I’m almost scared if I asked for more. Scared of how to take it. Excited for the apprehension of what can happen.
It Happened Yet Again
It happened yet again.
[wave]
I’m curious as to what the intentions are… what is the knowledge behind it. Do they know?
(these type of blog posts are very personal to me. No one will understand except me. It deals with someone who’s name I have not spoken –and will never speak from my mouth [literally]. I don’t expect you to understand.. you don’t even have to read these type of posts. But they will be here..at least for me.)
Purposeful
Yes, she did acknowledge on purpose (at least it seems that way). It made me smile.
And She Waved, Purposely.
Well, we have moved our library visits to Thursday. Tuesday’s are much too busy to do them anymore. My oldest has softball practice and by the time she gets home, it’s time to do homework and shower. So… Thursday’s it is!
Not much has happened lately. Just the usual day in and day out stuff that normally occurs. I did however get my tax refund. That means that my ex got an audit. She tried to claim the kids on her taxes, however we wrote the IRS and gave them a copy of the court order. I’m sure if something happens, we will never hear about it. It’d ok though… Good riddance. Right?
I’m still reading ‘Uncle Tom’s Cabin’. Tomorrow I will be taking the kids to sushi with me. It will be our time, however we are meeting some friends there too. I fixed their laptop the other week when they left on a trip.
A word on this couple. They are in their mid to early twenties. They have a son together. He originally is a friend of my brother. He’s a musician and someone who relies heavily on pot. He is at a job waiting tables and he has two bachelor degrees. He’s very capable but not motivated. He also gets depressed like i did but more on that later. She is very young and a new mother too. She enjoys her son and also cannot eat gluten because of a medical condition. I think she has baby fever..secretly wanting more kids. However given the circumstances, they cannot afford to have more kids. She doesn’t work and he doesn’t pull in enough.
The reason they are significant to me is because they remind me a lot of how my ex and I used to be when my oldest daughter was born. Right down to the depression when I couldn’t find a job. I do what I can to help, but given the limited circumstances (and lack of motivation on their part), it just sucks.
The one thing though, is I am able to talk to her freely. I sort of associate myself with her being the missing person that my ex is now. We talk a lot. Almost dangerously a lot when we converse. I don’t want to sabotage anything… And I won’t. They are family friends and I am not going to do anything to destroy that. It’s just that I tend to gravitate towards her when the opportunity arises..and she reciprocates back. I know there is more than I am telling.. But that’s the jest of it. It’s just something that has to be mentioned and taken off the chest.
Moving on…well there is not much else to move on to so I guess I’ll end there.
Oh yah, yesterday, she waved…purposely. Hmm….
Acknowledgement
It’s been 24 years… and she acknowledged me for the first time since.
112 Reasons 