Epilogue
Well… I had an update coming. I haven’t said anything because I thought it was trivial. I suppose I should say something either way.
The Divorce was finalized June 12th. In the settlement, she keeps her debt and I keep mine. She accumulated approximately $12,000 in debt during our separation/divorce. That’s all on her now. I have my own debt to worry about. Also, I have to continue paying her spousal support until November. Afterward, she has to start paying me child support which is $412 a month afterward. I also took her off my car insurance. She wasn’t too happy about that but there isn’t anything she can do about that.
About a week after I had removed her, she called me crying. She wanted to get back together and raise the kids together. I straight up told her “you fucked up”. I went on to tell her that there was no way I was going to put myself in a bad situation anymore and I was moving on with my life. I left the conversation feeling good about my decision. I don’t need anymore redundant poison in my life.
Currently, I’m dating someone who is 2 years younger than I am. She has a masters degree, beautiful and super intelligent. I knew her from one of our clients. When we were idly talking one day, she mentioned that she may not be with the company much longer. I took the initiative and got her information so we could keep in contact. We met up for coffee and hit it off pretty well. We each have our own quirks but the experience from this divorce has given me the ability to see insights that I would have never seen otherwise.
I won’t say much, but needless to say things are going well. I never thought I would be in this position but I am not complaining either. Even the kids like her a lot. I didn’t even know how I was going to introduce her and the kids. We planned a non-casual lunch which went very well. Afterward, a few days later, I told the kids who she was. My kids are accepting of it.
Two weeks ago, my mom had another stroke. This would be her third. It struck her where her first stroke occurred. It wasn’t too bad, but it still knocked out her left side more. She’s ok. She’s doing physical therapy. She has responded well. She hates being as crippled as she is, but she is thankful for being alive. The doctors changed her medication and she has slightly changed her diet.
Anyway, that is my quick update on my life. There is more, but I have no interest in writing more right now. Originally I thought I wanted to write more, but for some reason, my motivation just drained from my body.
Piece of my Soul
There is nothing new to add. No unusual occurrence with my ex. She’s been behaving (mostly). She hasn’t done anything foul since she attacked me a while back.
The kids are doing well. They will be working on science projects this coming week. There is a science fair that is going on and they both are doing projects (as simple as it may be).
My oldest is doing a project in which she determines if microwaved water removes the nutrients from it. She will be testing it on 2 plants (one being the control). I know this project has been done but she doesn’t know that. I’ll let her find that out.
My youngest is doing a project in which she determines which ants like better. Candy or an Apple. It’s simple but then again, she is in the second grade.
Things have literally been uneventful. I started working out again which is a plus I suppose. I am sore a lot of the time but that’s normal. I finished a couple of books so I’m poking around at new books to entertain myself with.
I feel like a loner. I don’t hang out with people much. I only hang out with kids. It’s different when you don’t have a significant other to bounce back with your energy. I still think back. If I didn’t do what I did, then I would not have been granted what I asked for years ago (not telling what). It’s what I wanted. It’s what I asked for. I appreciate what has happened and I am trying to appreciate the significance. It only took many years for it to happen. I need to take it in stride. After all, today..I did it. I talked to them. I talked to them for less than 5 minutes but it happened.
They do know who I am. They know exactly who I am. We acknowledge each other and I just wish there was more to add. I didn’t push it obviously. I think I was too nervous without realizing it.
I just hope I got a piece of my soul back.
Adventure Awaits
It’s the start of the New Year. I didn’t do anything crazy on the day. Well, maybe had one too many shots but I was definitely within reason and control. No drunk calling, no un-necessary actions. It turned out well.
My youngest daughter called me shortly after the New Year. I never expected her to call. Especially considering my ex makes it difficult to talk to them when they are with her. Anyway, she called and wished me a happy New Year. I chatted with her for a little bit afterward. Confirmed her and my oldest was having fun and making sure everything was alright. I spoke to my oldest afterward and wished her a Happy New Year.
My oldest was upset that we had a party without her. I can’t exactly tell her why she couldn’t be with us. Both my ex and I are not allowed to talk about court stuff to them. I reassured her that before my brother went back to teach, we would have a party. I even told her she could stay up as late as she wants.
That leaves us to today. This morning, I am picking the kids up at 10am. My brother will be coming with me and after we pick them up, we will be going out to eat. The restaurant we are going to is my brothers favorite place to go. The kids enjoy going because they enjoy his company.
After we eat lunch, we will be going to the local art museum. The kids enjoy trips like these so it will be a great day to go.No work to worry about, no deadlines, no schedules (other than the pickup). The kids don’t know we are going to the museum yet. It’s more of a surprise.
I will only have the kids for today and tomorrow. Then they go back to their mom for the rest of the week. I will pick them up Sunday morning and get them ready for the beginning of school in the new year.
Well, I am off. I woke my brother up (for the second time) just right now. Adventure awaits us.
As They Sleep Soundly
I’m up earlier than usual. The kids are sleeping soundly. I started reflecting on the situation. In the beginning, my wife kept telling me that I was dragging her through the mud. She wanted to keep insulting me and fighting with me while I was avoiding drama.
It’s apparent to me that we are dragging the kids through the mud.
Seven months later, we are no closer to talking to each other. She is trying to be friends but I’m not allowing it. The only reason she wants to be friends is because she is in trouble with the court. She knows it. And knowing her, she is going to try and wiggle her way back so I can call things off so she doesn’t get in trouble. I have known her for almost 20 years. I’m not going to let her manipulate me anymore.
The kids are breathing very soundly. It’s difficult to imagine what they are going through. I love them with all my heart and I am willing to sacrifice anything and everything for them. Yet, I still can’t imagine what it’s like for them to have divorcing parents.
I’m fortunate enough to have parents that are still together. I’m very fortunate to have a family that takes care of each other like it does. The kids are fortunate to be involved in that family.
It’s time to wake them for school now. They won’t be at their moms house this weekend. We will be setting up Christmas lights (hopefully) and making Christmas cookies. Doing the things a family should do in this time of year. Hopefully, I will have time to read and spend time with friends.
I don’t miss their mom, but I miss my family.
Prologue
Alright…here’s whats been going on (in a nutshell..no one wants me to ramble on forever)…
I filed for divorce and served my wife with papers. During that time, we were rotating the kids back and forth between us. I had them a majority of the time considering she could not handle the emotions of the situation. When I returned and gathered a majority of my clothes and things, she tried to convince us to get back together. I immediately rejected the idea since she was still doing the same ol’ “insult” and “yell” thing with me. She tried to convince me she would change, but I wasn’t having it.
In the meantime, the rent was not being payed on our place, so she received an acquit (pay up or get out). She obviously could not pay so an eviction is in progress.
Also, she has refused to return the kids or let me see them so I filed for custody and other paperwork. Basically she told me that since I did not have a court order, I could not see the kids. I immediately filed and she was served this past Friday afternoon.
She is pretty much closing things on herself. We tried to work things out. She said we should negotiate but it had to be on her terms. I told her I don’t respond to demands since that is not negotiation. She wants me to pay rent for our place and bills and such, however I am not. I am legally bound to keep services going but that’s it. This Tuesday, I should have a judgement from the court to see if I can get my kids and see them again. That is what my stress is based on this past week.
I know this explanation sounds like it’s a half-assed explanation..but that’s just because it is. I am not going to document every tiny thing that has happened. But in a nut shell, she still yells at me, she blames me for everything and it’s all my fault. Whatever the case, I have an attorney and I need to get this over with.
It’s time to move forward.
Stupid Feelings
No matter what happens, I will miss what my family could have been.
I wish things turned out differently. I wish things didn’t get as bad as they did. But.. I did hear once….
“sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a better one”.
I’m at least hoping…
I Fucking Love Cooking
Things have been going well! It’s amazing! Here’s the base of my story.
Being as all things with the upcoming seasons, I honor Lent as it comes every year. Last year, I gave up meat and became a vegetarian for more than a month. I figured that would help me focus on something more positive and healthy.
This year, I plan to give up the microwave. Doing this will help me cook more wholesome foods and do what I fucking love. Cook! I fucking love cooking! Last night, I even cooked this kick ass fajitas that would knock you the fuck out. It certainly knocked the kids’ socks off.
In either case, my Wife had opted to give up smoking. However, she gave up smoking as of Saturday. So she spoke to a Doctor regarding her health and asked the doctor what to give up since she gave up smoking early. The doctor told her to give up negative thinking and work towards a positive outcome. My wife told me this and has worked hard to keep positive thoughts and feelings flowing.
The result has been overwhelmingly positive for the family. She is active with the kids, she has not yelled at me or put me down for any reason. She has been thinking very positive in all her actions. I have been sure to even send her positive notes to her cell phone to ensure things remain that way. She is still sensitive in her emotions, but she has been overwhelmingly doing great.
As for cooking, just one more thing.. I fucking love cooking. That is all.. kthxbai
I must not run away. This is my family.
The night is quiet. It wasn’t always this way. The kids are awake and my wife is in bed. Well, the kids are in the room as well. They are being forced to go to bed. It’s 12:38am right now and I am awake.
We had a late night. It’s a Saturday night so I suppose it’s the weekend where you take advantage of the extra time you can squeeze out of the day. Some people watch tv, some people talk, and some people go out on the town to find adventures among fellow man. I choose to stay home and spend time with the family. Whether it is a good value of spending is up to fate.
Today, I had an argument with my wife. It was probably a fight that I should have avoided. I was being selfish though.. probably like anyone would be in an argument. I wanted to take the kids out for a play date tomorrow. My wife had made different plans in which to spend time with them. I should have let her win the argument. She needs to spend more time with the kids. I was arguing that I wanted to take them out with the play date. The play date I wanted to put the kids on was a play date with my friend and her kids. The friend whom I have spent time with and talked to her about my wife.
I didn’t see it at the time, but I suppose I was put in a position to decide between the two if the time arose. I failed in that venture. I chose my friend over my wife. After I was left to steam for a bit, I was able to see the bigger picture.
My wife said during our fight that we should just split up and divorce. She take the kids half the time and I take the kids half the time. During that argument, I felt like I had the opportunity to follow through. She said that the passion as left the relationship because we could never see eye to eye. It was always an argument to her. Maybe it’s because I wanted it to be that way. Maybe I have been trying to sabotage things to pursue a fantasy that is not a good idea.
In the back of my mind, I think I knew that. That is why I never took what she said seriously. Especially the splitting up part. It was only after I was left to simmer in my anger that I looked beyond what was going on and realized that she was in the right. She needed to spend time with the kids.. and I was being selfish and hiding them from her. I wanted the kids to myself. I wanted to be the protective one for the kids. I wanted to be the hero in the eyes of someone else to prove that I was a greater parent. That is where I failed.
I apologized to my wife for being a douche. I should have never picked that fight. I shouldn’t have pursued it.
It did leave me thinking though..
What if I did follow through… Would I be able to pursue relations with my ‘friend’? Wanting is different than having. I keep reminding myself of that. Plus, this is one sided thinking. I need to stop being selfish and think about the family. It’s easy to think about others. It’s always harder to work on the things you need to work on. I must not run away. This is my family.
I Apologized
I called my wife and apologized for being a jerk. This morning I was being mean and spiteful even though there was no good reason to be. I try to rationalize why I was in the first place. But when it comes down to it, I don’t need to be shooting negativity into the family. I have a part in that and chose the lower ground. Not this time. I apologized and I did choose to endeavor into making a change this year. I hope I can keep a positive one. Then again I created this blog to vent my negative frustration. We’ll see how far being positive goes. I was positive for well over 2 years.. it got me no where. Once again..we’ll see.
My daughter still has an ear infection. I took her to the doc this morning and verified it was still there. She got a new round of anti-biotic meds to take. It sucks, but I have to play Dad and help her out. I also have to look into getting my other daughter into my Medical Insurance. Her other insurance appears to have run out so I have to look into adding her to mine. It’s a mess.
I have a headache right now. It’s the throbbing kind that doesn’t go away easily. I think it may be a caffeine headache, but I am unsure at this point. I’m unsure all together considering it’s annoying right now.
Drag Down
I don’t consider myself narcissistic at all. Every time I even have a picture taken of me, I almost shy away. it’s not that I want to be that way, I just never wanted to be labeled at such.
I see others taking pictures of themselves and retake pictures to make themselves appear better. I don’t judge them on that. It’s just something I don’t care to do.
Posting on this blog has made me hit that nerve. This blog has made me double think about things that are centered on things I do. Considering most if not all posts I do on this blog are on my life, it has made me look upon the things I do and think. I have come to this conclusion. I need to rethink some of the things I do.
I have been given the opportunity to fix things. This opportunity was provided to me by making me looks at things closer. By writing about my day, I have to reflect upon everything and decide if I did the right thing, or even reacted the right way.
I spent most of today away from my wife and with my family. My wife went to pick up our neighbors son. It’s one of those situations where she is obligated to help her because the neighbor is down in life. If only they worked to improve on their life. That is my silent judgement though.
I know I am not one to judge, but this neighbor affects our family by dragging us down. I made a conscious effort not to give her a hug. I used to hug her and say hi. I used to have a high respect for her. After continuous let down and dragging my wife down, I don’t respect her at all. She knows it. I’m tired of her and what she does to my wife and family.
We did other things today, however I am not going to write about it. Trust me, it was a good thing, but if I write about it.. It will compromise my cloak.
I have also started some drafts of other posts on random topics. I’m actually looking forward to posting them. It will be thoughts I have never spoke of. Just the way it’s turned out.
112 Reasons 